The Twain Meet at Nairobi's International Airport

The “Twain Meet” at Nairobi’s International Airport

(East meets West, Left meets Right, Twixt meets Twain)

Nairobi’s Jomo Kenyatta International Airport – truly an international crossroads for Africa, the Middle East, the Subcontinent, and Asia. Peoples of all shapes, sizes, and modes of dress frequently pass, through from the most exotic-sounding places, like Yemen, Abu Dhabi, Pakistan’s tribal areas, the Hindu Kush, and so on. Everyone is going to some far-flung place, it seems. But despite being able to fly from one end of the earth to the other, when it comes to navigating your way through the airport on foot, no one knows on which side to walk. Most of the former British colonies drive – and walk – on the left, while just about everyone else drives – and walks – on the right.

The result in an airport where the two groups – the left-walkers (LWs) and the right-walkers (RWs) are almost equally represented, is that there is no right or wrong (or is it no left or wrong)? As you move through the airport towards your flight gate, this is one of the most common scenes:

A RW and a LW approach each other going their opposite ways. Realizing that they are about to collide, they each take that automatic evasive side-step we have all learned to employ in such situations. However, since they are used to walking on opposite sides, they step the same way. Result: stale-mate. After a moment’s hesitation and confusion, it dawns on each of them what has happened, and they each take a step in the opposite direction, at precisely the same moment, bringing them right back where they started. Determined not to be outsmarted, they begin to execute an intricate series of maneuvers to skirt around each other: head feints, lunges, foot fakes.  Nothing works, and frustration begins to build.

Flights are now calling for immediate boarding, last call for flight such-and-so; panic ensues. At this point, they grasp each other firmly by the shoulders, and much like Olympic wrestlers, each tries to thrust the other aside. There is grunting and sweating, and there is considerable swearing (in various languages),  but since no one understands anyone else, no offense is taken, and serious violence is avoided:

  

Language/Insult Made:                                             What is Heard:   

Chinese: Wrong-Footed Running Dog Lackey!             错足走狗的走狗！

Hindi: Even your cow does not know how to walk!                  यहां तक ​​कि अपनी गाय के लिए  चलना के लिए नहीं पता है!

Swahili: My camel could dance better than you!                        Ngamia wangu hakuweza danse bora kuliko wewe!

Urdu: You could not teach a hungry goat to find pasture!          پ ایک بکری نہیں سکھایا چارہ تلاشکرنے کلئے کر سکتا

Finally the two wheel around suddenly in a half-circle. Believing they have freed themselves of their adversaries, each one turns and races off, relieved, in the opposite direction, but unaware that they have reversed course, and are now running back to where they started from.

Not to worry, though, because before long they lock-step with another passenger, and soon they wheel around and head in the right direction again. Using a newly-found sense of detection as to who is a RO and who is a LW, the craftiest among them soon learn to execute skillful maneuvers will in advance, and avoid any further collision courses, laughing at beginners who are still toe-tied.